upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
