he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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