Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
