im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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