The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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