Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
