I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
