my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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