During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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