It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
