we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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