I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
