he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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