i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
