All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
