you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
