Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
