somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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