"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
