We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize