In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
