does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
