U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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