I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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