Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
