Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
