dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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