He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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