I molested 6 butterflies tonight
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
