My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
