It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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