I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
