did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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