I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
