Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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