No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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