I can text with my tongue
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
