So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
