I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
