i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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