Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
