I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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