I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize