I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
