You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
