dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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