Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
