i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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