i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
