i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
