I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize