bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
