i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
