I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
