My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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