I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
