I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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