She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
