I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
