So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
