Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Randomize