It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
