Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
