I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
