So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize