I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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