your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
