he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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