we have officially lost it.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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