I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
