My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
