Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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