You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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