I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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