Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm at about main and main street
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
