somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
