I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize