Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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