There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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