im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
