Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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