Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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