Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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