When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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