It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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