I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
