We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
